Good day beautiful people; boys/girls, ladies/gents hermaphrodites! Its been quite some time & I admit this is a wrong way to start [I’m terribly sorry for that] I have been very busy [I need not bore you with the details just yet] but I’m here now [that’s all that matters isn’t it?] & I promise to make your few minutes worthwhile!]
Today we are treating FASHION [I know what’s going through that tiny mind of yours] Yes! Too much of everything gets boring, that I know, but I’m not here to discuss the same old stuff, I’m here to ‘counter the supposed usual’
Before I continue, I should warn you that I know a lot about fashion, this is not just a clever attempt to get your attention, though its admittedly clever [I’m honest enough to admit when something is brilliant even when its my own writing]
You shouldn’t read this article if you’re a lady with low self esteem. I don’t need my inbox filled with emails from teary eyed women re-affirming how accurate my observations are and how embarrassed they are going to be for the rest of their lives! Oh please!
We [ladies] get away with murder in the society, especially when it comes to the visual pollution we call fashion. So I’m going to do what few people – [Joan Rivers gets paid for this, me? just a caring fellow] – have done, criticising you! You may be thinking sure people do that all the time, trust me this is something different!
There are very few people who look good in red lipstick, if you meet a lady who pulls it off trust me she juggles for a living! It makes you look like a clown, its quite horrible! The bright crimson hue is an unnatural abomination pushed upon your face by cynical cosmetic industry scientist. I’m sure somewhere in a laboratory two scientists are high-fiving each other, laughing at all the bull shit new names for shades of red they invent. Over the years, they’ve been literally thousands of names for the same colour of lipstick, yet there are only about three shades; Red, Dark red, Light red period! These idiots just make up names as they go along and some misled females buy the same shade of red over and over again!
Here are some of the actual names for shades of red lipstick; Red hot chilli pepper, Royal red, Midnight red, Hollywood red [duh!] Lovely red Hateful red e.t.c. You know they are just making shit up when they start using abstract terms like “Paris hilton red” , “Madonna Red”! [Did these women invent the colour red?!]
Insecure women with boring faces lap this shit up because they think hmmm! What does my dry face need? Oh I know! A giant hokey shade of red that isn’t even found in nature!
“HOTTIE” SHIRTS WITH FUNNY INSCRIPTIONS
They have stuff like this on them; “Sexy”, “hottie”, “you say I’m a bitch like its a bad thing”, “Kiss my ass!”, “BITCH – Babe In Total Control of Herself”, “I’m his bitch so what?!” e.t.c!
There are two types of girls who buy these shirts, 13yr old brats & 29yr old women who bleach their skin & wear too much makeup & are scared of growing old! Snap out of it! Who are you trying to deceive? They are an eyesore! These write ups bring unnecessary attention to your very boring/pathetic personality!
So that’s it for today, please don’t hate me [not that I care anyway!] Or take this personal if you’re guilty of any of these, I still have much love for you all “Dashing Divas”
NB – The ‘Hottie shirt’ article isn’t just for the chicks, guys beware of this public display of immaturity & stupidity!
Adieu Adorable people and see you next time… love you [Yes you!] so much! *kisses*