This is the most dreaded aspect of relationships (for women) Some decent men won’t out rightly say “I need space” for fear of frightening their partners, they begin to act like ghosts, other men might vocalise it, they claim nothing’s wrong, but they just don’t return your texts and seem to be a whole lot busier than they were in the early stages of dating
Before you convince yourself that he has started seeing someone else, ask yourself if you truly believe that he is capable of commitment and a long-term partnership. Also ask yourself (your female instincts should tell you) if you feel that he truly loves you and wants a relationship with you. If you feel confident that he is an ”emotionally available man” & is in love with you, then this space could be a good thing. If you feel doubtful that he has the ability to love, then it is time to say goodbye
When men pull back or carry on like they need space, it can mean that they are in fact so serious about the relationship that they need time to assess their feelings & decide whether the relationship is healthy for them long-term. Men are more in their heads than women and when the thunderbolt of love hits them, they may need to take a step back and look at things more logically
The key for you is to handle his need for space in a way that’s respectful and dignified. It’s okay to communicate your feelings (like in a text) or to ask him questions about what he’s thinking. But don’t smother him and don’t make him feel guilty & accused. This doesn’t mean you have to ignore your feelings when he needs space. It’s important to honour your feelings and to not reward behaviour that hurts you by being too flexible.
Avoid Clinging To Him When He Needs Space. When he needs space and you feel really down about it, don’t punish him by withdrawing yourself or accusing him of being emotionally unavailable & beyond, and don’t start to cling. When a man pulls back, it’s natural to feel like your world is suddenly shaken up. you don’t get that attention you use to from him again, you no longer feel like his world revolves around you, this can make you panic about losing him
When we feel panicky and scared, we reach out. We start to express love and profess devotion, and we apologise for past injustices on our part. However, he should be the one doing all these as it is wrong to detach from someone emotionally without a reason! You don’t want to give a man more attention when he needs space; do this when he’s trying to please you and is available to love you.
It’s common when a woman falls in love that her energy begins to revolve around him, like the Earth around the sun. When your man needs space, this can be a beautiful opportunity to re-direct your energy towards things that were important to you before the relationship swung in and altered everything. Focus on loving yourself during this time, too.
Be gentle with yourself and provide room to feel all of those panicky feelings. Don’t act on them, but feel them; be a witness to them happening inside you and respect them without self-judgment.
You can also make a conscious effort to learn some self-soothing skills, so that you are less inclined to call him and are better equipped to deal with rejection and uncertainty in other areas of your life
If he returns to you, take your time to make healthy decisions. Take things slow at first. Don’t put up emotional walls or be difficult, but be honest about how you’ve been feeling and about your fears for the future. It’s important that he understands that he can’t take space again for that long or with that much lack of connection. Explain to him that it’s something that erodes your trust
Talking to him about this when he comes back to you and is more clearly available to hear you and respect your needs will give you a chance to feel empowered and will help the relationship heal. Don’t make him test out or tell him that he has to work hard to earn your trust again. Just have a conversation, explain your fears and worries, and honour any need you have to take things slow.
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