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We all get involved in a serious relationship at some point in our lives, be it falling in love with a significant other, or simply establishing an amazingly close relationship with a special someone. As soon as this relationship is in place, we must do our part to nurture it. When we fail to do so, everything begins to go wrong! You hear people say they fell out of love with their partners, they did not, they just lost the spark! No one is perfect, someone really dear to me said recently “We weren’t born on the same day so I can’t specifically know what I did wrong if you don’t tell me” Sometimes we get wrong relationship advice from the media, truth is, no two relationships are the same, what would work for this couple may not work for you and your spouse so it’s left you and your significant other to find out a way that works for you. I made a list of these things, I hope it helps.

1. Attempting to “Change” Your Partner

We don’t fall in love with someone because they’re perfect, we love them in spite of the fact that they are not. “Perfection” is a deadly fantasy – something none of us will ever be. We should avoid “fixing” someone when they’re NOT broken. They are perfectly imperfect, just the way they should be. The less we expect from someone we care about, the happier our relationship with them will be. No one in our life will act exactly as we hope or expect them to, ever. They are not YOU – they will not love, give, understand or respond like you do.

2. Hoping for Someone Else to Complete You

When we’re feeling incomplete, we tend to go out looking for somebody else to complete us. Initially we meet someone who’s compatible with us and they distract us from our deficiency, at least for a while. Then a few months or years into the relationship, we find that we’re still feeling incomplete, so we blame our partner. It feels like they’ve changed, but in reality they haven’t; they’ve just become less of a distraction to our own growing, inner void. Ultimately what you need to realize is that while someone can add beautiful dimensions to your life, YOU are responsible for your own fulfillment. Only you can complete yourself. Nobody else can provide your missing pieces, and to believe otherwise is to succumb to a lifetime of feeling broken, as every relationship you enter eventually ends in hopeless disappointment.

3. Poor/Bad Communication.

I can not over emphasis how important this is for a successful and happy relationship. Perhaps there’s something that really bothers you about your partner. Why aren’t you saying something? Are you afraid they’ll get upset? Probably because you think it’s trivial? Maybe they will and maybe they won’t. And yes It may be trivial but your feelings are hurt! Either way you need to deal with it upfront, and avoid burying it until it worsens, & explodes out of you. Great communication is the cornerstone of a great relationship. Maybe he said to you he couldn’t see you today because he’s tired… well, that might hurt, but you don’t just get mad, it’s up to you to find out why he/she can’t see you, maybe they’re having a bad day and don’t want to drag you in the middle of it, or maybe they’re really just tired and want to be alone but so what?! If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you’re feeling jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities, mind you, that you feel insecure doesn’t make you weak. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them clearly. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must get them out of your head and into the open so they can be worked out. Information is the grease that keeps the engine of communication running. Always give the important people in your life the information they need to understand you. And communicate more than just problems – communicate the good things too. Share what you love about your lover. Share what is going on in your mind and heart. Share your deepest thoughts, needs, hopes and fears, share everything

4. Lies.

Anything is better than lies. They are the  reason for distrust in relationships and in our world today. The more lies you tell the less people are going to take you seriously or want to associate themselves with you. If you spend your life lying to the people around you, not only will you hurt and deceive them, you will also hurt and deceive yourself – you will eventually forget the truth.There is perhaps no phenomenon that is more destructive to a relationship than dishonesty, which breeds envy, hate & deception. When you’re honest with a clean heart, you find out how easy things are, everything works itself out. Even the smallest, seemingly innocent lies eventually escalate into larger issues. Stand by the whole truth – your truth – always. If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you can’t, won’t and don’t, then DON’T LIE. It’s always better to tell the whole truth up front. Don’t play games with the minds and hearts of others. Don’t tell half-truths and expect your partner to trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than lies, Remember, omitting the story is no different from lying.

5. Embracing The State of Your Relationship

Anything that’s not meant to be will never be no matter how much you try to make it work against all odds. There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life in the long-term no matter how much you want them to. They pass through your life in a shorter time frame than you had hoped to teach you things they never could have taught you if they stayed. Those 3 – 6months relationship shouldn’t make you feel less of yourself, they’re life lessons thrown at us by mother nature to shapen us for the “right one” Of course, it’s nice when relationships stay healthy and last, but that doesn’t mean your failed relationships aren’t equally as important. Some people you engage with will be like a mirror – people who show you things that are holding you back, people who show you the ways that don’t work, people who bring your insecurities and misjudgments to your own attention so you can change your life. It’s’ these people – the ones who come into your life for a short time and teach you a priceless lesson – that are some of the most important people you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you until you’re wide awake. Do you want to live with these people in your life forever? No way – that would be way too painful! They come into your life to shake you up, tear apart your ego, flip your perspective, show you your obstacles, break your heart and mind open so new rays of light can shine in, just to reveal another layer of YOU to yourself, and then they move on like they’re supposed to.Take their lessons as gifts and be sure you move on too.

Finally, Those who seem to have the perfect relationship aren’t better than you, and it’s not like they’re lucky or blessed, okay well, finding someone who loves and adores you is a blessing but, it’s not impossible to find love and make it last. It’s very simple, the key is finding how to stay in touch with your spouse.

Good luck!

XX

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