Most people believe that attempting a long-distance relationship is crazy—delusional, even. And they have a point. Relationships are hard enough without dealing with expensive plane tickets, internet bills or time differences. And yet, so many of us end up doing the long-distance thing, for the simple reason that, love is not always logical. When you are in love, the feeling is so rare and urgent that severing it due to inconvenient circumstances seems totally insane, even more insane than dating someone who lives 4,000 miles from you.
I met my husband (then boyfriend) Godwin in March 2014, while he was spending a couple of months in Nigeria before going back to the U.K. to commence his PhD program. What I assumed would be a fleeting hookup turned into the best period of my life – think Fancy dates, trips, mind blowing gifts – a week after we met, he told me he was going to marry me someday, I laughed it off! When it was finally time for him to leave, we said our goodbyes at the airport, I was hyperventilating like an addict forced to go off crack. As soon as he got to the U.K. we began to work towards possible ways to see again… it’s crazy! When we decided to try to make things work long-distance, the choice certainly did not feel logical. It felt more like holding on for dear life!
Relationships, especially when they are new, have the ability to make us feel and act embarrassing nearly 24/7. But the intense longing that comes with being long-distance can spawn some particularly undignified behaviors, and I’ve learned that if you want to survive, you just have to embrace this part of yourself. For instance, the first few days without him I find that I can not sleep without his clothing items that have hints of his cologne on it, I use to view pictures and videos over and over like a groupie, I would also go days/weeks without doing my hair or shaving, there was really no point getting “dolled up” if you’re eventually going to retire to an empty bed alone.
These little things kept me going, coupled with the thrills when we get to see each other after a long time. There were times when the distance was daunting, and don’t get me wrong, long distance relationships just like every other type has it’s unique ups and downs, how you deal with them depends on how great your communication skills as a couple is, (because that’s all you have) in essence there are no hard and fast rules whatsoever, and also that the significance of Trust & Communication in long distance relationships particularly can not be over emphasized
Today we’re married, after dating long distance for 4years (OMG). The key was we always had something on the books, like, ‘We’ll be together for your birthday’ or, ‘Next time you’re home we’ll meet our parents’, or ‘We’ll be together at Christmas’… otherwise, you’re just wandering into the abyss. It’s also very important to surround yourself with family and friends, positive energy generally, you don’t need to be around people who are going to be telling you how you’re wasting your time dating someone who’s not with you physically, or people who will create possible scenarios of your partner conveniently cheating because they can’t be caught, or the stereotypes of LDR generally… (1) Avoid such people. (2) Trust totally… you shouldn’t be dating someone if you don’t trust them. (3) Only to emphasize how important number (2) is.
Basically, long-distance relationships stand as much chance as other relationships. I have lots of friends that dated people in the same city as them, but they never worked out, I also know people that met on social media or through a mutual friend and only saw physically once or twice and they got married, or have waxed stronger till date… but with LDR if neither of you are going to relocate at some point, then God knows what you’re doing. But if it’s just a matter of time, then that’s different – even, romantic.